Tip: See my list of the 
Most“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.”
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“Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.”
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“You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they are placed around your throat, she’s probably slightly upset…”
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“Quite often we change jobs, friends and spouses instead of ourselves.”
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“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
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“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”
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“When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.”
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“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.”
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“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
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“Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.”
