Witty and funny quotes about life by Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, Benjamin Franklin and more

by Jakub Marian

Tip: See my list of the Most Common Mistakes in English. It will teach you how to avoid mis­takes with com­mas, pre­pos­i­tions, ir­reg­u­lar verbs, and much more.

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”
Steven Wright
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
Oscar Wilde
“There is nothing so annoying as to have two people go right on talking when you’re interrupting.”
Mark Twain
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
― George Burns
“Don’t talk unless you can improve the silence.”
― Jorge Luis Borges
“In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead.”
Benjamin Franklin
“The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven’t made up their minds.”
Charles Dillon “Casey” Stengel
“Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
Leroy “Satchel” Paige
“Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.”
― Michael Levine
“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”
Maurice Switzer
Read more:
in my ebook
333 wittiest quotable quotes »