“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
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“The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he made so many of them.”
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“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”
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“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why its called the present.”
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“My feeling is, quite simply, that if there is a God, He has done such a bad job that he isn’t worth discussing.”
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“Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.”
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“There is no squabbling so violent as that between people who accepted an idea yesterday and those who will accept the same idea tomorrow.”
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“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.”
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“God created war so that Americans would learn geography.”
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“Ballet: Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.”