Witty and funny quotes about religion

by Jakub Marian

Tip: See my list of the Most Common Mistakes in English. It will teach you how to avoid mis­takes with com­mas, pre­pos­i­tions, ir­reg­u­lar verbs, and much more.

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
Billy Sunday
“The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he made so many of them.”
Abraham Lincoln
“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”
Emo Philips
“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why its called the present.”
Alice Morse Earle
“My feeling is, quite simply, that if there is a God, He has done such a bad job that he isn’t worth discussing.”
Isaac Asimov
“Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.”
C. S. Lewis
“There is no squabbling so violent as that between people who accepted an idea yesterday and those who will accept the same idea tomorrow.”
Christopher Darlington Morley
“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.”
Woody Allen
“God created war so that Americans would learn geography.”
Mark Twain
“Ballet: Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.”
Robin Williams
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333 wittiest quotable quotes »